I hadn't really given it a serious thought before, had just noticed somewhat mixed emotions in passing. The thought that it might happen one day had crossed my mind a couple of times, but I'd passed it off just as quickly as it had popped up. So, I was badly prepared. My fault. I should have thought this through, and made an announcement in advance.
Well, as some of my readers probably have noticed, it happened the other day: Mark at psych survivor 2.0 gave me an award.
I'm happy, I'm grateful, really! But I also have these mixed emotions, that make it impossible for me, to accept the award. My mixed emotions have nothing, absolutely nothing to do with anyone out there in the blogosphere personally.
Partly, they have to do with the concept of receiving an award for doing something, that actually might be called rather egoistic. - The question is: Why do I blog and for whose sake? The answer is: Because I need to understand - the world and myself - so, consequently, I do blog for my own sake. Primarily.
If my understanding of the world and myself can be of any value to others, that's great. But the truth is, the more of a dialogue - here or anywhere else - the more I understand. I would have to give an award to virtually everyone I do communicate with, have communicated with in the past, and will communicate with at some point in the future, disregarded whether there's agreement or not. And, frankly, do we need to award each other for something as basic to humanity as communication? Other than by respecting the other and being compassionate?
The other part of my mixed emotions is of a more "profane" nature: There's just too much "chain-", sometimes even "pyramid-", about many blog awards. "Chain-" and especially "pyramid-" stuff ranks under "noise" in my universe. I don't like noise.
Now you can call me a spoilsport, a fusspot, holier-than-thou, ungrateful, whatever. But know, that I don't judge anyone who accepts these awards. It's totally fine with me, if you accept them. I would have loved to give you one. It just doesn't feel right to me to accept one myself. My pain-in-the-behind-intuition, yeah.
Thanks to you Mark, again, for considering my blog!
And now to something far more cheerful (although not half as hilarious as this):
Non-Denominational Holiday Record
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5 comments:
I just posted and it went blank.
Anyway- I am laughing so hard on your video I almost choked on my lunch....
Have a great holiday- what ever it is, or just a day off to snooze like cat.
Love,
Susan and Hollythecat
There is no problem in not accepting the award.
Yes all awards tend to be chain/pyramid in type, with the "send this to 5 other people" condition.
If you look at anything too deeply it might be egoistic. You know the movie "its a wonderful life"?
You could make the arguement the George Baily character was selfless to make friends.
So therefore his actions were all planned to benifit himself in the future.
Anyways the award was to say I appreciate your speaking your opinion with this non-mainstream blog.
Marian!!
I don't know how the hell I've been missing these posts..
anyway,
I'm a hypocrite because I take the awards and post them at the bottom of my side bar, but I do not give awards...for much the same reasons you mention...
I simply can't in good conscious give awards. I'm always tickled when I get one though so I accept...I always wonder if people think that's shitty?
whatever...I suppose the awards may stop coming since I don't participate..
I participated the very first time I got one because it was about a month into the blogging game for me and I didn't understand them and I was frankly flattered....
one other time when someone I felt deserved acknowledgment awarded me one I said I received it and spoke of the person who gave it...
in all other instances I've simply posted the award in my side bar...
oh excepting my hometown award...I went with that full on because I wanted to meet people in my home town who read me and that was a success...I met some really nice people who live here whom I would never have known...
so I guess I have a "when it suits me" policy, though in general the whole thing makes me uncomfortable as well!!
ha!
Susan: I'm glad you didn't choke anyway!!! :D
Mark: I think I saw that movie once. At least the plot seemed familiar when I wiki'ed it. You have a point there.
To start with, I thought, I'd accept the award, just because I know, that you don't just toss an award at someone without reason. The more I tried, the more - also physically (!) - impossible it got. My inability to cope with recognition.
Gianna: You're not a hypocrite! You did make it clear, that you won't give awards. So, no one can say, they didn't know. And you deserve all the awards, you've got and will get.
I understand Marian.
For me it's a way of saying to my friends:
"Hey! I'm still thinking about you, our friendship is solid and will last forever because we know a part of our lives that many people don't understand.
I like your work and that's the way I'm saying it to you."
I have already put the award without sending to others.
We are working hard on these blogs!
Just a way to exchange love.
That's how I see these awards and I believe that most people do for the same reason.
It's not mandatory!
Every person feels differently.
Love,
Ana
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